this motherhood thing. wow. just when i think that things are flowing in a certain direction, i am met with a new stage, new questions, a new course to flow along with. i have been watching my children lately. i have been seeing them grow in some really intense and significant ways. i have seen how journey instigates and challenges and blazes her own trail. i have seen her warrior come out to fight reason in the name of having her own way. i have noticed how confident and certain she is... and how she will maneuver her way through her longings and bump up against frustration over and over and over again. i have seen how she opens her heart wide to soften herself and meet you with a tender kiss and a sigh and a stable look into your eyes. i have seen her need for laughter and crazy fun...and how she wants to know just how far she can go. and asher. i have noticed he is really exploring relationships and the roles that we assign one another in this society. and this mama has had to really trust him with it all. because her world view sometimes clashes with what society seems to speak...and she stumbles a little when her son reminds her of what social creatures we really are...and how he needs to navigate and discover his own understanding of the world in order to find his place there. and sometimes, he might have a different opinion than me...and that is ok. ;) but i see in him the same intensity that i always have. i see in him that same brilliance. the magic of childhood. the struggle that occurs when humanity meets that brilliance in a way that most of us don't experience. he works his way through his questions. sometimes without answers. and longs for connection of a deeply organic form. this is why you will always see him noticing the birds. and spotting any lizard within 25 feet of him. and he can hear sounds that fade into the white noise of my life. and he can create a story from the white walls of our world. and he loves to love things with his entire being. almost becoming it himself. in a way so wildly pure...it cuts me deep all the time. he creates deep friendships with little critters. and cares about mother earth in a very raw way. and once again i am reminded of how we all need each other and how we ALL have something to teach...no matter what restrictions we may put on one another.
4 years ago